I was raised in a religious home with a strict set of rules; my father was a pastor of several small churches. I learned a lot about church and was taught not to sin from an early age. I tried to act right before others but always struggled with right and wrong inside.
I was afraid of both my dad and God and worked to please them both.
When I became old enough, I left home and moved in with my girlfriend. I tried music, alcohol, and sex. None of these things brought me the happiness and inner peace I desired. There was a constant battle inside of me between right and wrong. I wanted to do right but found I had no power to do it. I found myself internally alone and very afraid of death.
After my girlfriend and I separated, I meet a girl that I had gone to school with. Her looks and personality quickly caught my eye and I tried to talk with her every chance I got. After a short time, I asked her to marry me. Like me, she had also been brought up in a religious home but had been heavily involved in the wrong things.
We both wanted a clean start for our marriage and family since she had a two- year old daughter from a previous relationship.
We decided to attend church together and see if we could find what was missing in our lives. My wife experienced a change within months.
I however, held on to the belief that I was ok since I was a preacher’s kid, was raised in church, and had prayed when I was young.
Every time I went to church, my heart ached because of the sin in my life. I often gripped the chair in front of me, too ashamed of what people thought to respond.
On
That morning I gripped the chair in fear again. I was literally trembling with the knowledge of my sin and God's wrath and hatred of my sin. I went home without making a decision. I laid down for a nap to rest a troubled mind.
I was startled awake and realized that it was almost time for the evening service. In the next minutes my mind became set. I HAD to do SOMETHING about this sin and fear in me.
I went alone to that evening service. From the time I walked in, I was totally focused on one thing. That was to confess and repent of my sin to God, and ask him to forgive me through Jesus Christ for what I had done.
As soon as the opportunity was given, I went to the alter; bowed the knees of my heart and asked God to forgive and change me.
The earth did not stop; there were no external fireworks. However, in an instant my heart was changed. I knew God had erased my past and given me a new future and hope in Him. I was a new person in Christ.
I followed that decision the next week by being baptized in the evening service. That was such a special thing to me to make a visible statement of what had happened internally.
My life has not been easy or free of problems since. I have faced the death of my father, all my grandparents, near death of my son at birth, and loss of many others I have cared about. I am now going through the worst pain of all- a divorce not of my choosing.
However, I have found (and keep finding) that through the difficulty; God has never left me or forsaken me. He is alway there even when I don't feel like it. Just like the sun is always shining ABOVE the dark clouds. I know my future is in heaven with Him no matter what.
God loved me, but my sin separated me from him. I learned that God sent a man named Jesus to earth to pay the penalty for my sins. I learned that this Jesus was virgin born, performed miracles, was crucified, buried, and rose again from the dead. I placed my faith in Jesus and asked him to forgive me and live in me. I became of follower of Jesus.
I hope that you find what I have. You can go here to learn more.
Blessing to you and yours,
Andy
E-mail me at ajayham@yahoo.com