Devastated is not a strong enough word to use..............
I loved my wife and probably always will. However, people make their own choices and we can't change that no matter how much we would like to.
You must (and should) give your all to save your marriage for many reasons. There will come a point when you realize there is nothing else you can do and the other person has to make a choice.
Every human being is free to make their own choices. However, no one is free to escape the consequences of those choices.
There will be consequences for both parties. Don't kid yourself that a divorce can be good. Their are NO GOOD Divorces.
But- You can survive, and one day thrive. It's all what choices YOU make. If your suffering from the choice of your spouse. Don't ADD to your suffering by making bad choices yourself.
One of the greatest things I did was to find and join a Divorce Recovery Group.
Look for one in your area (many local churchs hold them) and join as soon as possible.
Will you be uncomfortable? Yes. Will you feel out of place? Yes Will you be scared? Yes Will it help tremendously? YES. YES. YES!
There are three primary benefits that I found:
1. You will learn things that will help you NOT make bad choices.
2. You will vent to people that understand the HELL your going through.
3. You will hear stories that make you see that YOU don't have it so bad! And you will know that your not the only one with these feelings.
Go to Divorce Care's web site and sign up for thier daily e-mails. You will find the e-mails to fit exactly what your going through, usually in the time your going through it.
Divorce (like grief) has stages, you will go in and out of these stages as you heal (and you will heal!). You WILL find Hope and You Will laugh again.
Surround yourself with friends. Only choose good, healthy friends for now. You are sick and hurting so you need to be around healthy people. If you don't know many of these type of people, find a good church in your area and go there. If they don't love on you, find another one that does. This is hard. But it is crucial that YOU make this step and make it early. Trust me, you need to do this.
Pray. Even if you don't believe in God. Pray anyway. Ask Him to reveal himself to you and lead you. You will be suprised.
Also. There is NO shame in getting professional help. If you need it, to heck with what everyone else thinks. GO get it.
You must take care of yourself; and your children if you have them. Focus on yourself and them. As you heal, you will have something to give to others.
Warning:
ONE emotion you will feel early is to try to find someone/anyone to be with to help get rid of the pain. Don't do it! You are not ready and you will only hurt yourself more and that person in the long run. GET WELL FIRST. Make friends, but keep it on that level for now. IF something comes of it later, so be it. BUT WAIT. If they are worth having- It will be worth the wait.
Suggesting reading:
Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke
Single, Married, Separated, & Life After Divorce by Myles Munroe
If you have a question, you can e-mail me at: ajayham@yahoo.com.